Hello everyone. Be prepared for a long post! Sorry for it's length. [emoji14] Everything I say is purely my own opinion, feelings or random observation that may or may not be true.
You know I actually have been lurking for awhile (like 6 days). I don't typically condone gossip because it really breeds some bad karma.
But I have been following Mark and watching his videos since the end of 2014. Through that time, his videos got me through my dad being diagnosed with cancer and then passing away in July this year.
But I have started to notice through the past couple months, maybe since 6 million subscribers, his content and personality seem to be changing. I don't know if that's just in my imagination or not. But then when I saw him make that post about promoting Jess, it kind of confused me. I mean it's really sweet of him to help a struggling friend, but why even say that it's his ex?
Realistically he has no responsibility to any of us, it's his life. But he could have easily just said his friend
and if people asked him about it he could have later confirmed about it. The way it was handled seemed so sudden and random since I had no idea he even had been dating someone before all of that or that there were even rumors about it going around at all.
What really made me want to reply/post here was someone earlier in this thread saying how in his pictures at PAX 2015, he seemed out of it, like he didn't want to be there. I was at PAX. I went to his panel, and in the front VIP section I saw Jess. What has me a little confused is, why is Jess, Mark's ex
and her friend in the VIP section? If they are just "friends" shouldn't she just have any seat like anyone else? I was in the front few rows of the panel Sunday so that's how I saw her. It was out of the corner of my eye. I am seriously not trying to cause rumors or whatever, to be honest, I just want Mark to be happy. What bothers me is the level of secrecy. I know he literally has no responsibility to us as I said, but even a "Yeah, we are together but it's not anyone's business but ours." would suffice. Idk, maybe that's silly to even think. Either way, the whole thing of her even being there seems kinda odd to me...:/
Now, I met Mark on the 31st, it was kinda early afternoon. and he did
seem kind of out of it. He seemed like he didn't want to be there. I was telling him about feeling so lost since I lost my dad, and that I was really happy to get to meet him. I couldn't tell if he was just sleepy, or uninterested in what I said. But he made me feel a little like he wasn't interested in what I was saying or paying attention to me by literally pointing out all the other people waiting to talk to him because I was talking to him for so long... I didn't process all of this until yesterday, and it made me cry. I don't want to think that he has changed or that he is different than what I expected him to be, but I cannot help but feel like that. I felt rushed to finish talking to him so other people could get through the line. I mean... I know lots of people wanted to talk to him, but it made me feel lousy in the moment.
When I talked to Jack, I blabbered for a good while but he didn't make me feel unwelcome, below him, or make me feel unimportant or rush me....
Now don't get me wrong, I still like Mark, but I am still kinda hurt by this. I even took the time to write him a letter that I put my heart into, but with his recent video about his gifts from Indy Pop Con, he didn't hardly mention PAX, and even outwardly admitted he won't even try to read ANY of these letters he gets, and that just breaks my heart. How many other people like me have written letters where they poured their heart out into that don't get read? I talked to Bob, and Wade too at PAX, and Bob told me he thinks Mark reads his letters, but with Mark saying that, it's a contradiction and like... I don't care if he does reply or not, but just knowing he actually took the time to read these letters or at least tried to read them would mean a lot to me and anyone else that wrote a letter. I know he now has a ton of subscribers now so he can't get through all of the letters, but his apology on his video felt so fake to me.
Ugh okay, I'm just kind of venting because I'm still so hurt over all this. I mean I am still really happy that I got to meet Mark, but it was so discouraging to feel like he didn't care. I could easily just be imagining it, but I have a video of me talking to him and he seemed so distracted, like he wanted to leave.